🌙 Ph.D Candidate 🔮 Anxiety • Relationships • Mindfulness • Self love 🙋🏻♀️ Therapist + Artist + Author + Human 👇🏼Resources
www.msha.ke Instagram.com
Hang in there warriors 💜
New can be scary. New can be uncomfortable. New can feel wrong.
So if chaos, drama & stress is “your normal” then peace, calm & peace = new.
Which means safety, peace & calm can also feel scary, uncomfortable & wrong.
This can happen because the ego is always trying to put you in a similar situation because it knows that it has previously survived the situation - even if the situation were chaotic and stressful.
The rush of chemicals flooding your brain and body from chaos and stress can also be addictive. So you may also unconsciously want to create chaotic situations to get a flood of intense emotion.
These urges to re-create stressful situations is often UNCONSCIOUS and happens when we are on AUTOPILOT.
So a part of healing is practising stepping out of auto pilot by bringing what is unconscious into conscious awareness.
We learn to do this:
✨ practicing being the OBSERVER of our thoughts, feelings, experiences (mindfulness)
✨ practicing sitting with discomfort (learning to pause before reacting)
✨ acting opposite of behavioural urges
✨repeating affirmations that you deserve safety, peace, and calm
✨ finding a healthy distraction
✨ putting your phone away or stepping away from other people
✨reconnecting with the body eg. Stretching, doing yoga
✨Naming what you feel (moves emotional processing to thinking/reasoning part of brain)
We must teach the brain and body that stillness and peace are safe 💜 and with all good things - they take practice. It’ll get easier with time. I promise 💜 and ….. yes I know the lip sync is off with the audio - blame tiktok 😛
#stress #stressrelief #stressmanagement #chaos #healingvibrations #healingjourney
Location: Toronto, Ontario
As an Asian Canadian growing up with immigrant parents, I turned to movies and songs to learn about popular culture.
But doing this also made it hard to maintain relationships because I held unrealistic expectations that I learned from movies and songs.
I hope this post can help you with some self reflection and grounding back to reality.
Some truths:
✨the idea of the “one” being someone that will be perfect for us is misleading. Real relationships take work. All of them do even if both people are well suited for each other.
✨ someone else will never be able to heal you. Sure, they may support your healing but you must still do the work. Relying on someone else to heal you = filling a void so you will never learn to develop your own sense of self/self love.
✨ sometimes we like the idea of fixing or changing others. Movies make it seem like people may change for the better because of you. This may be true in some cases and for others - these attempts can drain your energy and peace - making it an unhealthy relationship. You can’t force people to change.
✨ there is often an “ah-ha” moment in movies when a character realizes they want to be with someone. In real life, this is often more of a decision that requires deep thought and time rather then an effortless, spontaneous epiphany.
✨ you may love eachother and be very compatible - yet sometimes these relationships end for reasons other than you (eg. they prioritize their career, where they want to live, lifestyle etc. more than you). And they may never come back - it doesn’t mean they never loved you.
Stay grounded in reality 💜 love takes work. You don’t need a partner to complete you. And YOU get to define YOUR OWN happily ever after - not movies or songs.
#relationships #relationship #love101 #relationshipadvice #relationshipgoals #relationshipproblems
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Who is the inner child?
The inner child is your past self, who may have endured chaos, stress, pain, and suffering in the past.
But instead of giving yourself what your inner child needs - such as self validation, self reassurance, self love - we often rely on other people to give us these needs (aka our parents).
However, if our parents were not able to provide us with the safety, love, and validation that we needed, we end up abandon our inner child by adopting roles in society/our families that allow us to get validation, love, and safety. These roles can look like:
✨suppressing our own feelings because other people did not know how to handle them, invalidated them, or shamed us for having them
✨ being extra helpful/a people pleaser/hyper independent while ignoring our own needs because we learned that other people may not be able to meet our needs. As a result, we become hyper independent/helpful to get validation/priase/security from others
✨asking others for help with decision making or for reassurance because we have learned to doubt ourselves since we were always told what we were doing/thinking/feeling was wrong
✨ being an overachiever to get praise from others
✨ not setting limits and enmeshing with others to gain acceptance/approval/love
It is also common for us to speak/treat ourselves the way our parents did - which can be critical, invalidating, and rejecting.
A part of healing = meeting the inner child who still has those unmet needs and learning to meet those needs yourself (this is reparenting). You take the role of a warm, concerned, and loving parent and treat yourself the way you would have wanted a parent to treat you.
Reparenting is a process that takes time and may feel unnatural, unauthentic, and even uncomfortable at first. This is because you are not used to it. Be patient and trust that with time, it will feel more natural, authentic, and comfortable 💜
Treat yourself the way you would have wanted an adult to treat you 💜 You deserve it.
#innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #innerwork #innerguidance #therapy
Location: Toronto, Ontario
A friendly reminder that the logical/reasoning part of your brain (prefrontal cortex) “goes offline” when you’re emotionally aroused.
✨Practice taking a pause before speaking
✨Step away from emotionally charged situations to give the emotional part of your brain (limbic system) 🧠 time to cool down
✨Don’t send that text! Wait a while and then decide what you want to say.
Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday 💜
#emotionregulation #emotions #emotional #emotionsurfers
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Some Friday reminders for your soul ✨💜
The human body is always recreating itself.
Cells turnover by the second. New neutrons are added daily. Organs, tissues, and our entire body regenerates and/or changes.
Our physical selves are always changing.
So can our mental selves 💜 grow through what we go through 🌱
#personalgrowth #selfgrowth #selfgrowthjourney #mentalhealthart
Location: Toronto, Ontario
When we dissociate, it is the brain trying to protect itself.
The trauma, distress, emotions, and bodily sensations are too intense for the brain/body to deal with.
So it “shuts down” by disconnecting from bodily sensations, experiences, memories, and their surroundings.
To reconnect with our bodies, we must show the body that feeling/experiencing is safe.
We do this slowly. For me - yoga/stretching was a way for me to feel my body again. It showed me I can feel the sensations my body creates and that is is SAFE TO DO SO.
This practice bringing me back home to my body.
Here are some other practices to help make your body a safe space:
✨Stretching
✨ Yoga (yin yoga is my fav)
✨ Self hug (heavening technique)
✨ Giving your body attention when it’s hungry, tired, thirsty, needs to use the bathroom (you are showing your body you will listen to it’s signals rather than ignore them)
✨Feeling your feet when walking
✨Naming what’s around you (grounding you in your surroundings)
✨Tasting your food/tech free meals
✨Stimulating vagus nerve (eg. Humming, breathing in slowly + holding + exhaling slowly and longer than the inhale)
✨Stroking soft/soothing fabrics or an animal
✨ Dance
✨Shake (release tension from body)
✨Spend time in nature (this is grounding - we are a part of nature - we are animals)
I hope you find some of these helpful. Remember to approach these slowly. Celebrate all successes. And that a little progress/time is better than no progress/time devoted to these exercises.
Once we learn how to feel safe in our ourselves, we can learn how to feel safe around others.
Come home to your body 💜
Disclaimer: some signs of dissociation/depersonalization also show up in anxiety, depression, ADHD etc. please use this post as a guide only and seek professional help to learn more.
I have some free resources in my bio as well 💜
#dissociation #mindbody #traumahealing #bodyconnection #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealing
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Location: Toronto, Ontario
The body and brain are always learning.
It does an incredible amount of learning when it is first developing because it is kinda like a blank slate.
We have an strong attachment bond to our parents - who created/nurtured us. We are also shown in society that parents are supposed to love eachother.
So when our parents are cruel to eachother - the child learns to associate love with conflict/fear. This is incredibly confusing for the child.
Conflict between parents can send the message to us that love is dangerous and scary.
If one parent talks poorly about the other parent to you or tries to make you take sides, this also creates stress for the child. The child has an attachment bond with both parents. How scary would it be to have to shut out love for one parents in order to win the safety, security, and love of another parent?
The same thing can happen between parents and children. You love your parent, and in someways are “wired” to always love your parent because you are dependent on them for your survival at such a young age. This is why you may tolerate a parents criticism, invalidation etc.
So if this parent creates a sense of fear or unsafety within you through criticism, abuse, neglect, harsh discipline, and validation, this may also confuse you. You feel both love and fear for the same person and may learn to pair those two feelings together.
Sending you vibrations to relearn love without fear 💜 —> free resources available in my bio if you need support.
#lovestory #fear #parentchild #relationships #attachment #innerchild
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Anxiety PSA: a gentle reminder not to judge a book by its cover.
Not even yourself.
If you notice that you’re falling into patterns of people pleasing, seeking attention/external validation, need control, and/or being overly helpful at the expense of your own needs, take a pause to check in with yourself.
What is really going on underneath the coping response?
What can you give yourself at that moment to self soothe the anxiety and honour your own needs?
You deserve it 💜
#anxiety #anxietyhelp #anxietysupport #anxietyawareness #anxietyproblems
Location: Toronto, Ontario
I’ve been getting a lot of requests to talk about some ways to work through a fear of intimacy.
Intimacy is something I am in the process of working on myself so I’m sharing some exercises that have helped me 💜
I hope you find them useful too.
Is intimacy scary to you? How come?
#intimacy #relationships #relationships #relationship #datingadvice #datingtips #intimacycoach
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Drop a 💜💜💜 to affirm these Sunday reminders for you as we go into a new week 💜
Love you humans 💜 self care = the best care.
For more doodles and mental health content follow @doodledwellness for more 😊
#mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthart #sundayreset #selfcare #selfcaresunday #selfcarethread
Location: Toronto, Ontario
“Challenge your thoughts” - they say.
“What is the evidence that this thought is true” - they ask.
“Imagine your thoughts floating away on a cloud” - they encourage.
These strategies can be helpful - but they only target your MIND. They target your thoughts.
But when your body is in a state of fear, stress, and unsafety - it can not effectively engage in these cognitive strategies.
The body is busy trying to figure out how to keep you safe. So it is in hyperdrive - figuring out how to fight off the threat or run away from the threat. Or the body is in a freeze state because what you are dealing with is too much for the body to cope so it shuts down.
We have to learn to soothe the body to show it that it is safe.
Once the body feels safe, it can then rechannel the energy to do the higher-order, cognitive work - such as challenging and detaching from thoughts.
Some ways to soothe the body include:
✨ humming
✨ taking a cold shower
✨ stretching/yoga
✨ breath work
✨ connecting with someone that makes you feel safe (co-regulation)
✨ spending time in nature
✨ shaking off pent up energy (literally shaking the body, jumping up and down,dance)
✨ running (tapping into the urge to flee)
#calm #calmness #safe #therapy #cognitivetherapy #copingstrategies #mentalhealth
Location: Toronto, Ontario
We are constantly shedding old versions of ourselves to make space for new versions of ourselves.
You are NOT the same person you were even 1 minute ago.
So with each passing minute, there is an opportunity to consciously create the new version of you.
This doesn’t happen over night though. In fact, it is a long journey of:
✨ getting to know the parts of yourself that you have exiled (your inner child)
✨ learning how to regulate your nervous system (emotion regulation and self soothing)
✨ identifying old beliefs and behaviours and working on catching these thoughts/urges to act in the moment. In other words - practicing being the observer of yourself (mindfulness)
✨ practicing self-validation and self-reassurance instead of self-criticism and sabotage
✨ learning how to express and honour your authentic self and let go of the role self you have built to survive in the world, gain love, and gain validation.
And let me tell you - this process can be painful. Why?
🌙 because awakening to your authentic self means acknowledging that the old patterns of being are no longer sustainable. Often times, we learn that our ways of being are not sustainable when we hit episodes of depression/anxiety, develop health problems, and have unhealthy relationships.
So today, I want to normalize that healing can be a tough and painful process.
🌙 Yes you will want to be alone - but that doesn’t mean you are lonely.
🌙 You will still care about certain people, but know you must let them go to flourish.
🌙 As you let go of your old ways of coping, the newness will feel uncomfortable and you may feel lost and hopeless.
🌙As you resist giving into old patterns, feelings of guilt, shame, and fear may come up. This is normal and these feelings are coming from your old self.
🌙And you most CERTAINLY will let people down - especially those who benefited from you being your old self.
All of this is normal. Please trust in yourself and the process.
I believe in you 🌙🌙
#healing #mentalhealth #heal #healersofinstagram #selflovejourney #selflove #mentalhealthawareness #therapy #healingjourney
Location: Toronto, Ontario