@ablackfemaletherapist

The point here is, we all mess up. And if we can't repair, maybe because we don't know how or we don't see any harm done - it will negatively impact the quality of our relationships. Repairing matters. Accountability matters. Changed behavior matters. Respect, patience, time also matter. Just because we offer an apology, doesn't mean it will be recieved. The discomfort of sitting in the consequences of our actions can bring so much shame & guilt. And navigating this is apart of the process. Repair is important in relationships & people get to choose whether or not to accept & the conditions of the relationship moving forward. #repair #connection #healing #support #heal #therapy #therapyworks  #counseling #trauma #talk #feel #understand  #unpack #explore #unlearn #feelings #anger #heal#mentalhealth  #awareness #mentalhealthadvocate  #empathy #selfcare #resources #growth #acceptance  #anxiety #resources #willsmith #chrisrock #conflict #oscarsslap

When I talk to clients during my sessions, they almost always indicate something they currently need or needed from their parent growing up. Often it involves some sort of apology, acknowledgment or verbal indication that their feelings & experience matter. And yesterdays response only solidifies the importance of repair with parents & their children. Even as children transition into adulthood, parenting does not stop. It's not too late. Caption from yesterday's post: Parent/child dynamics can be really hard to talk about because of the sensitivity & complexity of the relationship. For some parent/child dynamics - there might not be room for repair or reconciliation due to the relationship rupture or level of estrangement. Some people have cut ties or created necessary distance for valid reasons. And an apology or acknowledgement just isn't enough. But for some parent/child relationships, there is opportunity for reconnection & healing - if there is accountability & acknowledgment.  It takes a certain level of emotional maturity, insight & awareness to be accountable & offer sincere apologies without excusing or justifying. And it's normal to grieve the loss of not getting this from a parent or caregiver. Sometimes they just aren't able to. This can be really hurtful & dissapointing. It is also a reflection of them. Not you. And it's not just about apologies. It's about changed behavior & effort in taking steps to make improvements that can actually be seen & felt. We all want to feel validated & our experience acknowledged no matter the relationship. Will we always get this? No. Does it help with repair? Absolutely. Does it guarantee repair? No. Take what you need. It won't apply to everyone. #parenting #parentchildrelationship #empathy #understanding #relationships #love #children #help #support #attachment #vulnerability #attachmentstyles #therapy #healing #learning #information #dysfunction #familytrauma #generationaltrauma #cycles #anxietyhelp #repair #apologies #apology #forgiveness #honesty #compassion #Therapist #blacktherapist #feelings

In some relationships - dating, marriage, family, business, differences are so great, they leave hardly any room for compromise or collaboration. And in other relationships, there are differences AND there is willingness, patience, understanding & teamwork - on both sides. Relationships are two or more people connecting & working together. This doesn't mean accept mistreatment, harmful, destructive behavior or abuse. This doesn't mean you aren't free to choose your relationships - even if they're collaborative. It means, we are all different & being critical of one another, fighting to change the core of who another person is, will do more harm than good. If we take a dismissive or controlling approach to our relationships - they won't thrive. If we can't create a safe spaces for our differences to exist without trying to change one another - it's likely the relationship won't work. If we are open, curious, proactive, accountable, aware of ourselves & what we bring to relationships - the healthy & unhealthy, it opens the door for us to be able to work with one another, rather than against. #relationships #relationaladvice #freedom #authentic #emotionalconnection #attachment #vulnerability #attachmentstyles #love #friendships #relationships #dating #family #marriage #bonds #strength #patience #understanding #fourhorsemen #conflict #therapy #blacktherapist #abuse #trauma #anxietyhelp #conflictstyle #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarness #insight #tools

Change isn't something to feel ashamed about. Some people will be proud of the change they see. Others will shame you by reminding you of where you came as an attempt to soothe their own internal battles. So when they try to shame you - don't allow them to project that onto you. Tell them yes, I have changed. #mentalhealth #change #counseling #relationships #validation #understanding #therapyworks #therapy #counsel #mentalhealthawareness #awareness #insight #work #emotion #empathy #support #helpfultips #feelings #feel #human #growth #wisdom #shame #fear #anxiety #depression #hope #therapyworks #therapyresources #resources #trauma

Going through life hiding, deeply desiring to be seen & heard, spending so much time sacrificing your wants & needs to be likeable & desired, your brain & body brilliantly adapts & does what it's built to do - keep you safe & alive. It also builds a high tolerance for surviving under limited conditions. And although you are strong enough, capable, resilient, it doesn't mean you are required to keep living in survival mode. And I know this is easier said than done. When your tolerance is high for emotional pain, you're more susceptible to harmful relationship dynamics. You don't have to accept breadcrumbs, one sided exchanges & the bare minimum in any relationship. *This does not apply to domestic violence situations where there are abusive dynamics listed above + more that impact safety. This might not apply to you & that's okay.* #needs #boundaries #mentalhealth #standards #truth #needs #clear #mentalhealthawarness #awareness #failure #relationships #dependent #internal #standard #validation #boundary #assertiveness #assertive #understanding #honesty #compassion #selflove #honor #disappointment #anxiety #depressed #depression #validate #predict #mentalhealthtips #therapyworks