A lot of us think what we learned, before becoming a parent, was self-regulation skills but what most of us learned was suppression.
We tend to realize this when our children bring up triggers for us that we had no idea about. We search for self-regulation skills and realize all we have is suppression, avoidance, projection and disassociation.
We think “I thought I did the work! I thought I was grown! I thought I was healed!” And then we return to another familiar pattern that we haven’t managed to figure out yet which is self-loathing. We begin beating ourselves up for not being “healed enough.” But in fact, our children just show us the areas that still need healing. Healing is a LIFE LONG JOURNEY. Triggers are not bad, they are messages. Messages that our mind and body don’t feel safe in this moment and we need to figure out why, not just tell yourself not to feel that way anymore.
Let me tell you something else, even when you do the work and learn these skills, triggers will still come up. New triggers will come up. Each stage of our child’s life may bring up new and unknown triggers. If we learn tools to process these triggers, we’re not so scared about them happening. We may feel nervous, but we know we have the tools to process the triggers now.
Learn more about this in my latest E 📖
Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com
#ResponsiveParenting#JMilburn#ParentMentalHealth#MaternalMentalHealth#PostPartum#MensMentalHealth#ParentingLife#HealingJourney#GentleParenting#AttachmentParenting#Attachment#AttachmentTheory#Parenthood#SelfHealing#SelfCompassion#EarlyChildhood#ChildDevelopment#PTSD#CPTSD#ChildhoodMemories#Triggers#HoldingSpace#SelfRegulation#Empathy#UnconditionalLove#Parent#KidLife#AlwaysLearning#PTSDAwareness
At a certain point, I realized it wasn’t my children’s job to make me feel appreciated. Relieving them of that burden has transformed our relationship.
Parenting can be such an all consuming and thankless role. It can be challenging to just give and give and not feel like your efforts are being reciprocated. The thing is, children don’t reciprocate in relationships, in the same way adults do. They reciprocate by showing you that they trust you and feel safe with you.
Sometimes that looks like releasing their most complex emotions when they are safely in your presence. It’s very hard to see an upset child as someone who is reciprocating your relationship but what they are showing you is you have effectively created a nest where they are free to feel and be who they are completely, without conditions.
The complexity of the parent-child bond… the perceived imbalance of give-and-take… can trigger so many emotions and memories for parents. It’s ok to take a minute and check in with yourself. Say “whoa, I’m triggered right now. I need a minute to process and self-regulate.”
Learn more about this in my latest book
Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com
#ResponsiveParenting#JMilburn#ParentMentalHealth#MaternalMentalHealth#PostPartum#MensMentalHealth#ParentingLife#HealingJourney#GentleParenting#AttachmentParenting#Attachment#AttachmentTheory#Parenthood#SelfHealing#SelfCompassion#EarlyChildhood#ChildDevelopment#PTSD#CPTSD#ChildhoodMemories#Triggers#HoldingSpace#SelfRegulation#Empathy#UnconditionalLove#Parent#KidLife#AlwaysLearning#PTSDAwareness
Did you know?? Did someone try to make you feel guilty or concerned about these things? Yes they can be super challenging, but they are not indicators of a “problem.” Just…. Life with kids 🤷♀️ @responsive_parenting
Common response to this: Wait… so all this chaos is actually normal? But what do I DO about it?
Toddlerhood tends to be a high level initiation into this reality. We can fight it or work with with it. The Toddler Workshop Series teaches you had to work with your child’s natural developmental needs and behaviours. It includes info on tantrums, aggression, yes spaces, developmental norms, toileting, sleep, weaning, sibling conflict and much more. There is a link in my bio to upload the sessions and watch them from your phone, tablet or computer. (If your really tech savvy I think you can stream them to your tv but I wouldn’t contact me to ask how lol).
Common Questions about the Toddler Workshop
1. Is it at a certain time? No, you can watch the sessions anytime.
2. Can I access them offline? Yeah, they are MP4’s so you can download them to your device.
3. Is there a limit to how many times I can watch them? No
4. What is the format? They are animated power point presentations. Sessions 1-3 are not narrated and sessions 4-6 are narrated.
5. A workshop like this usually costs over 100$’s, why is yours so cheap? I just want it to be accessible.
Link to workshop sessions in bio @responsive_parenting or on the website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com
#ResponsiveParenting#JMilburn#Toddlers#PeacefulParenting#HoldingSpace#EmpathyMatters#BreakingGenerationalCurses#BreakingToxicCycles#ToddlerLife#ToddlerWorkshop#ChildLedLearning#ChildLed#Parenthood#Compassion#Motherhood#Parents#ParentLife#DadLife#Children#MumLife#Kid#Fatherhood#BeTheChange#Kindness#KidLife#Childhood#Kids#RealTalk#Childrens