@camera_duels

There are lots of people in this wide ol world that want to see me laid out- Bludgeoned by some frat boy’s knuckle or canceled by some mommy blogger on a nicotine stained keyboard. And while my survival radar has, unfortunately, become more keen over time, there is no group to which I am more wary than the teenage girl. Yes, you heard it well. I am quite afraid of little girls. And while my illusory masculinity has taken a bit of a bruising over my career, allow me to explain myself. There is no demographic more diligent than the teenage girl. They always know where I am, they always know who I am, and they are also responsible for WHY I am. Take this duelist as example. She had thought herself the rogue while riding the escalator on her slow descent into hell. Yes, I was going to the same destination, but we always figured that didn’t we? Both Dante and Virgil here couldn’t help but stifle their demonic wails as they spied me, quick to pull out her phone and capture the whole event for a ~whopping~ 47 likes on her personal Instagram. A shame the denim couldn’t hide the overwhelming musk of sweat and mischief that filled the central London tube entrance, and my nose had smelled something funny coming from her general direction. Her friend’s lokinous side eye and hand cupped to her mouth as if breathing into a phantom paper bag was all too telling. I knew I was in for a fight. I readied my pistol and fired first. They say her ghost still haunts that station, her muddled peppa squeals signaling her next young male victim. Hope to see you again when Im back on the river styx. #cameraduels